Perrotta's Guide to Flirting
Be Sexy
To avoid being friend-zoned, you need to flirt. There are two types: friendly and sexual flirting. Friendly flirting can be mistaken for mere kindness, while sexual flirting leaves no ambiguity. Sexual flirting involves clear signals and innuendos that show you're interested in more than friendship. For instance, friendly flirting might involve asking, "What do you like in a guy?" whereas sexual flirting would be, "What qualities do you find irresistibly attractive and sexy in a man?"
But Be Subtle
Many men struggle with flirting because they are too direct, lacking mystery and enjoyment. Using phrases that are too explicit like "You look so hot in that dress. I can’t stop thinking about what’s underneath" early in a conversation can ruin potential connections. Effective flirting involves subtly conveying sexual interest. For instance, if a woman mentions she's been learning to salsa dance, instead of saying, “I bet you look incredibly hot and sexy shaking your hips on the dance floor,” a more subtle response would be, "Salsa dancing? That’s impressive. It must take a lot of rhythm and grace. I’d love to see your moves sometime." This discreet approach is more attractive, making her more inclined to spend time with you.
Implying interest is more exciting to women than explicitly expressing interest. It creates a challenge and shows that you have standards. It also keeps her engaged without ruining the moment. Being too blunt and clumsy with your words can make you seem less desirable.
Here's another example:
Her: “I love wearing yoga pants.”
Not Subtle:
You: “I bet your butt looks so good in a yoga pants.”
Subtle:
You: “That’s such a coincidence, I happen to love girls that love to wear yoga pants.”
Exaggerate
When speaking with a woman she might give you a “shit test” usually in the form of a dig or verbal jab to assess how you would react to it. Best way to deal with this hurdle is to just agree and exaggerate.
Here’s an example:
Her: “I bet you say those same lines to all the girls.”
You: “Busted, didn’t think you’d catch me on that though. Guess I better come up with some new lines for next time.”
This shows that you are fun, playful and don’t take yourself too seriously.
Position Yourself as the Prize
At times, subtly suggest that she is coming onto you. You achieve this by playfully distorting her words and making it appear as if she is attempting to seduce you. This approach allows you to view yourself as the desired one and her as the one pursuing you.
Here’s an example:
Her: “I love lingerie.”
You: “Are you trying to make me picture you in lingerie?”
Teasing Her Is Key To Being A Good Flirt
Teasing is crucial for successful flirting as it sets you apart from overly accommodating, excessively eager men who constantly seek her approval.
The Wrong Way To Tease:
Mistake # 1: Sensitive Topics
Avoid teasing girls about sensitive topics like physical appearance, fashion sense, social skills, intelligence, religion, and family, as they might find it offensive and upset them.
Mistake # 2: Being Critical
Critiquing her on things you dislike can seem passive-aggressive. No one wants to be judged or told they suck. If you think she has poor eating habits, keep it to yourself.
Mistake # 3: Putting Her Down For What She Likes
Don’t make her feel bad for what she likes. No one likes being belittled for being who they are.
Mistake # 4: Teasing For Entire Conversation
If your conversation is all teasing, she'll wonder why you're never serious and may think you're hiding something. Balance teasing with meaningful conversation.
Mistake # 5: Self-Deprecating Humor
Excessive self-deprecation can lower your perceived value to a woman, and the laugh it gets isn't worth it.
How to Tease Her the Right Way:
Technique # 1: Make it Absurd
Take a normal topic that's going one way and then take it the opposite way by making it a little bit absurd, unpredictable and comical.
For example:Her: "I'm a pharmacist."
You: "Nice. I love drugs... prescribed ones, of course. I mean, who doesn't enjoy a good antihistamine on a sunny spring day, right?
Technique # 2: Include Yourself Into The Tease
Make yourself a part of the tease to give it a “we’re in this together".
For example:
Her: “I’m a nurse”
You: “A nurse, huh? I’m feeling a bit faint from your stunning presence; any chance you could take my pulse? Or better yet, just keep holding my hand and I’m sure I’ll recover.”
Technique #3: Stereotype Her But In A Fun Way
Playfully stereotype her, in a non-offensive way, by humorously highlighting the stereotypes based on the things she shares with you.
For example:
Her: “I’m from Canada.”
You: “A Canadian, huh? I guess you say “eh” at the end of every sentence?
Technique #4: Challenge Her
Challenging her creates interest, demonstrates confidence and creates sexual tension.
Here are some examples:
If you are at a nightclub challenge her to a silly dance off.
If you are at a bar challenge her to a staring contest where the loser has to buy the next round.
If you are at a bar that has games like darts, pool, air hockey, foosball, cornhole etc, challenge her and say ““Bet you can’t beat me in a game of [insert game].”
Technique #5: Mock Her
Examples:
If she keeps saying a certain phrase, playfully repeat it back to her with a mischievous smile.
If she starts singing along to a song, excitedly join her and exaggerate her dance moves in a dramatic manner.
Technique #6: Playfully Disagree With Her
Example:
“I can’t believe you don’t like Stranger Things. We can’t be friends anymore,” then playfully turn your back to her.
Technique #7: Accuse Her of Hitting on You
Normally, she is the one that is pursued, but accusing her of making advances towards you, humorously changes the dynamics.
Examples:
“I see where you are going with this. Just to let you know, I’m not that easy!”
“Get your mind out of the gutter!”
“Did you just check out my butt?”
Flirt Nonverbally
Sexy Eye Contact
Triangle Gazing Technique: Look at the person's left eye, then mouth, right eye, and back to the left eye.
Bedroom eyes: Lower your eyelids and look dreamy.
Move your eyes slowly: Avoid darting your eyes back and forth.
Match her gaze: Maintain eye contact 90-95% of the time and look away only when she does.
Close Proximity
Reducing the distance between you and her increases intention and intimacy. Here are simple ways to do it: Sit next to her on a date, rather than across. For instance, if you're at a bar, choose seats side by side to create a closer and more intimate atmosphere. Another technique is to lean in to speak into her ear while lightly touching her elbow, especially in noisy places, then move back slightly to give her space to respond. Facing her directly instead of at an angle also fosters a more intimate and flirtatious vibe.
Physical touch
Touching is crucial for connection and enhances sexual flirting. Touch her frequently and early in your interaction. Research shows light tactile contact increases compliance and women view men who lightly touch them as more dominant, often giving their phone number. The best areas to touch are the elbow, upper arm, and lower back. Lightly touch her elbow or upper arm during jokes or playful whispers. When guiding her, such as to the bar, touch the small of her back. Other good times to touch include a handshake during introduction, high points like laughing or connecting, and leading her through a crowd by holding her hand. Avoid looking at your hand or reaching out from far away to touch to avoid looking awkward.
Make Deeper Connections with the Right Questions
Women tend to connect emotionally rather than logically. To connect with a woman, engage in discussions that evoke emotions. This aligns with the inherent nature of women. Focus on her aspirations, past experiences, and personal interests to facilitate a deeper connection. Encourage open sharing of life details and share your own experiences to shift the conversation from logic-focused dialogue to one centered around feelings, fostering comfort and deepening your bond.
To connect with women beyond small talk, it’s essential to understand the importance of asking the right questions, structuring those questions effectively, actively listening and relating to the responses, and avoiding common conversation mistakes.
Why Questions Are Important
Questions are the gateway to a person’s inner world. When you ask someone about themselves, it activates the same pleasure centers in the brain as food and money, making the person feel good and more connected to you. The right questions can prompt women to open up and share their passions, dreams, and experiences, which are the essence of connection.
How to Structure Your Questions
The structure of your questions can significantly impact the flow and depth of a conversation. Avoid relying solely on short-answer questions, which can lead to a dry, interview-like exchange. Instead, mix in open-ended questions that require more thoughtful responses and encourage the sharing of emotions and stories.
For example, instead of asking, “Did you enjoy your trip?” you could ask, “What did you love most about your trip?” This invites her to share more about her experiences and feelings, rather than just a yes or no answer.
Questions that Convey Genuine Interest
Asking the right questions is not just about getting answers; it’s about showing that you’re interested in her as a person. When you ask a woman about her life, her passions, and her experiences, you’re giving her the opportunity to share parts of herself that she may not often get to express. This can be incredibly validating and can create a strong bond between the two of you.
For instance, if you ask her about her favorite childhood memory, you’re inviting her to revisit a time in her life that was likely filled with joy and innocence. Her response will not only give you insight into what makes her happy but also allows her to relive those positive emotions in the present moment, associating those feelings with you.
Listening and Relating
Active listening is crucial in conversations. It involves paying full attention to the speaker, showing genuine interest, and providing feedback that demonstrates you’ve understood and can relate to what’s being said. This can be as simple as paraphrasing their words or sharing a similar experience, which shows empathy and builds rapport.
Avoiding Common Conversation Mistakes
Several common mistakes can hinder the development of a connection. These include stating contentious opinions, getting married to a conversation topic, and talking too much about yourself. To avoid these pitfalls, focus on non-judgmental responses, weave in multiple topics, and ensure the conversation is balanced, with both parties contributing.
Another mistake is to challenge her beliefs aggressively. Healthy debate is fine, but confrontation can shut down the conversation and create barriers. Instead, respectfully express your perspective and be open to her viewpoint.
5 Go-To Conversation Topics for Connecting
Her Experiences: Discussing experiences allows you to delve into emotions and stories. Ask questions like, “What was your last big adventure?” or “What made you want to come to this city?” to tap into her past experiences and the feelings associated with them.
Her Dreams: Inquiring about her dreams and aspirations can reveal her hopes and motivations. Questions such as, “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?” or “What’s something you want to achieve this year?” can lead to discussions about her future and what she’s passionate about.
What She Loves to Do: Talking about hobbies and interests can be very revealing. Ask, “What do you absolutely love to do?” or “What kinds of things make you laugh the hardest?” to understand what brings her joy and excitement.
Her Passions: Understanding her passions can show what drives her in life. A simple question like, “What are you most passionate about?” can open up a conversation about the things that matter most to her.
Her Motivations: Discovering why she does what she does can provide insight into her values and decision-making processes. Questions like, “What made you want to get into that?” or “Why did you want to accomplish X?” can lead to profound conversations about her inner motivations.
Captivate Her with Great Storytelling
When conversing with someone you’re interested in, it's important to listen and share about yourself. Focusing solely on the other person can be tempting, but they’ll eventually want to know more about you. Use this chance to connect by sharing interesting life details. Balance facts and emotions to keep the conversation engaging. Rather than listing accomplishments and possessions, tell stories that convey your personality and values. Avoid coming across as boastful; instead, share moments that highlight your character. Genuine storytelling helps build trust and rapport, creating a meaningful connection.
How to Talk About Yourself in an Attractive Way
Talking about oneself is a critical aspect of engaging in conversation, especially when it comes to dating and attraction. The key is to do it in a way that is both exciting and intriguing, without coming across as self-absorbed or overly braggadocious. Perrotta outlines several steps and rules to achieve this:
Step #1: Understand the Purpose of Talking About YourselfThe primary goal when talking about yourself is to quickly pique interest and then redirect the conversation back to the other person. It’s not about reciting your entire life story or listing your accomplishments, but rather about creating a sense of excitement and curiosity.
Step #2: Highlight Sexy Qualities About YourselfWhen you do talk about yourself, it’s important to highlight qualities that are generally found attractive, such as confidence, leadership, passion, and a sense of adventure. These qualities should be conveyed subtly through your stories and anecdotes.
Step #4: Follow the Proper EtiquetteProper etiquette when talking about oneself involves not dominating the conversation, painting yourself as more than just an ordinary guy, and being relatable. You should aim to share stories that show you overcoming challenges and achieving goals, but also show that you are human and have faced struggles.
Show Her You Are Strong But Kind
Women are not solely attracted to professional success, wealth, and physical attractiveness. A study by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that the two of the biggest qualities that attract women are dominance and prosocial behavior.
Women find comfort in the presence of a dominant man because his assertiveness and ability to take control can provide a sense of security. This dominance is frequently interpreted as a sign of success and self-assurance, traits that are commonly appealing to women. When talking about yourself, highlight instances where you took charge of a situation or led a group towards achieving a goal.
Additionally, women are drawn to acts of kindness and helping others in need. Share experiences where you have engaged in prosocial behavior such as assisting the less fortunate or supporting your friends.
How to Tell a Great Story
Storytelling is a powerful tool in captivating an audience and creating an emotional connection. Good storytelling involves several key components:
Tell the Story as if You’re Living ItTo tell a compelling story, you should relive the experience as you narrate it, using expressive tonality, facial expressions, and mood to convey the emotions you felt at the time. This helps keep the listener engaged and on the edge of their seat.
Involve the Listener and Use PausesInvolving the listener in the story by asking questions and using pauses effectively can make the story more engaging and impactful. Pauses allow the listener to absorb and feel moved by what you’re saying.
Structure of a Good StoryA good story has four basic elements: introduction, development, climax, and resolution. Each part plays a crucial role in building the narrative and keeping the listener interested.
A Simple Habit to Improve Your Conversation Skills
When conversing, do you go off on tangents, focus too much on yourself, or worry excessively about saying the perfect thing? Do you try so hard to impress that you come off as arrogant? To solve these issues and connect genuinely with a woman, shift the focus to her. Be present and actively participate. A simple way to avoid these traps is to make it a habit to learn at least three things about her.
Think of some questions you could ask her. Here are a few examples:
What would you do with your life if money was no object?
What excites you and gets you out of bed in the morning?
What causes do you care about?
What music do you like?
What activities are you passionate about?
Where have you traveled to?
What are your favorite books / movies?
Genuinely Loving Women: The Key to Dating Success
To achieve success with women, it's key to show genuine love and appreciation. A woman can sense when a man truly loves, admires and respects women, and she will quickly develop trust in him. A man with no hidden motives, who lives in the moment and understands her, can quickly build a strong connection. Without genuine love, a woman senses ulterior motives and disconnects.
Men should take ownership of their lives and interactions with women, avoiding the blame game for past dating disappointments. Blaming women for personal failures fosters bitterness. Instead, men should focus on self-improvement and emotional management, especially when facing rejection. Accepting responsibility shifts perspective from victimhood to empowerment and control.
Recognizing women's emotional nature is crucial for men to connect deeply with them. Perrotta advises men to address women's emotions rather than relying solely on logic or facts. Since women's responses can vary with their feelings, patience and empathy are essential. It is important to remember that women will prioritize how you make them feel over your accomplishments and status.
Appreciating a woman's inner and outer beauty involves being present and attentive. Men should focus on what they find attractive in a woman to be more in tune with their natural instincts. This appreciation should recognize the woman as a whole person. By doing so, men can create a genuine connection that is not clouded by their own insecurities or desires to impress.
Perrotta advises against centering one's world around women, as this can cause neediness and hinder genuine love. Men should pursue their own goals and passions, making them more attractive and ensuring they don't rely on women for emotional or psychological fulfillment. A purposeful man is self-sufficient and confident, traits that appeal to women.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
In this summary, you have learned valuable techniques on effectively interacting with women. But it's not enough to just read about it, Dave Perrotta wants you to put it in action. So set aside a day this week and head to a bar, a nightclub or any other type of social gathering of your choice with the intention of meeting women. Once you come across someone who captures your interest, gather the courage to approach her, walk up to her and say "Hi, my name is (insert your name). It's a pleasure to meet you." Remember to give her a handshake and let the fun begin.