Summary of Matthew Hussey's Get The Guy | part 1 of 3

In Get The Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve, Matthew Hussey, a prominent relationship expert and dating coach, provides women with invaluable knowledge on how to effectively attract, connect with, and have a fulfilling relationship with the right man. With his expert advice on dating and insights into the male psyche, Hussey guides readers through each stage of discovering a successful relationship. By comprehending men's thought processes and desires in a romantic partnership, women can enhance their ability to find their ideal partner. This summary touches upon some of the big ideas of Get The Guy to help guide you on your journey to finding the right man for you. Since Matt Hussey packed so much great advice into his book we broke up this summary into 3 parts to make it more digestible and to do our best to cover the key points. So let's get into part 1 of our summary of Get The Guy.

The Fantasy of Hollywood Romances and Fairy Tales

Fairy tales and Hollywood movies have led many individuals to believe that true love is determined by fate alone. Consequently, countless individuals rely on serendipity or chance encounters hoping that Cupid will work his magic in their favor.

Think about it, how often do you have a genuine conversation with a new man each week? If it's one or none, your chances of finding Mr. Right are slim. The odds are even worse if these interactions are random and not with men you've chosen yourself. Why would you choose to relinquish such control over your romantic life?

The world is filled with individuals who wait for the perfect moment for someone to approach them or vice versa. They wait for confidence to magically happen on its own, they wait for signs or invitations to suddenly appear, and they wait for every possible factor to align perfectly. Don’t be that person. Don’t waste your life waiting. If you're wondering where all the good men are, it’s about time that you take matters into your own hands and actively seek them out. The decision of whether to play it safe or seize control of your own destiny rests solely in your hands.

Want an Exceptional Man? Then Be a High-Value Woman!

To attract Mr. Right and build a successful relationship, prioritizing your own growth and self-improvement is key. Just as you desire remarkable traits in a partner, exceptional men are also drawn to women with outstanding qualities. So, to capture the heart of a high-value man, strive to become a high-value woman yourself.

What defines a high-value woman? Well, the traits you seek in an ideal partner should also be embodied within yourself. While each woman has her unique personality, likes, dislikes, and opinions, certain universal characteristics are shared by all high-value women:

1. Self-Confidence: Unwavering belief in oneself.

2. Independence: Prioritize building your own life before seeking a partner.

3. Integrity: Stay true to your principles and values at all times.

4. Femininity: Embrace and celebrate your feminine nature without any reservations.

Let's take a closer look at each of these qualities individually.

Self-Confidence

Having self-confidence is vital. The standards of physical beauty are always changing. However, a woman's true beauty, which always remains constant, lies in her self-confidence, fun-loving nature, and sexual allure. High-value women are sure of their beliefs, desires, and personal values. They possess a deep understanding of their own appeal, capabilities, and what they deserve and know their worth. They are secure in themselves and comfortable in social settings. They express their needs to others clearly and are ready to walk away if those needs aren't being met.

High-value women have the ability to see beyond the surface and can easily distinguish between superficial displays of value and genuine substance. Things like good looks, money, and high status don't impress them because they possess a deep understanding of their own needs, which enables them to easily discern what truly matters.

Women who lack self-confidence tend to focus their attention on pleasing others because they are unsure about their own desires. Although this strategy may yield short-term results, a confident man will inevitably lose interest in an indecisive woman.

Independence

A high-value woman knows the importance of independence and self-reliance. She leads a life that brings her immense joy and engages in meaningful activities that ignite passion within her each day. A high-value woman does not seek validation or fulfillment from a man to fill a void in her life. By living a fulfilling life on her own terms, she is able to make better choices because she will be more selective in choosing a partner that is right for her.

Men often fear being suffocated in a relationship, which can happen when a woman gives up her own life and makes him the center of her world. This is why men are attracted to independent women. They appreciate that she won't become overly dependent on them and want to be part of her amazing journey.

Integrity

Integrity encompasses the ability to hold oneself accountable to personal standards, even in the face of adversity. It involves being fully aware of your own values and embracing them wholeheartedly. A woman who possesses integrity refuses to compromise her beliefs simply for the sake of gaining approval from others. This unwavering commitment makes her trustworthy and reliable in the eyes of men.

When a man recognizes your integrity, he will pay closer attention to what you have to say and place greater trust in your words. Having integrity also communicates to men that they can rely on you to uphold your values consistently throughout various situations and circumstances. A woman with integrity does not turn a blind eye to bad behavior, even when she has feelings for someone. In such instances, it is crucial to reflect on how you would feel if you chose not to take action and allowed that bad behavior to become a habit.

Femininity

Learn to embrace your femininity. Some people think that being a strong, independent and empowered woman can intimidate men. While there may be some truth to that, a good man will actually appreciate those qualities in you. But here's the thing, you can be both strong and feminine. In fact, your natural ability to embody womanhood might just be your strongest asset yet.

Women now have more financial independence due to their increased presence in the workforce, overcoming past cultural and social barriers. They no longer need to depend on men for support and protection. While these changes have led to some confusion about changing gender roles, one basic fact remains: men are naturally attracted to femininity in women. No matter who is the main earner or caregiver, men naturally respond to and value femininity and need women to feel masculine. It is an essential balance, like two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly.

The word “femininity” has often been confused with equality. Hussey makes it clear that he is not talking about gender equality here like a women’s right to earn equal pay as a man in the same profession. He is speaking more along the lines of feminine qualities such as showing empathy, being nurturing and appreciating romance. He understands that it's a sensitive topic and addresses those misunderstandings in his book.

Every man needs to feel like he offers something unique and special to women, something she can't live without, to fulfill his instinct to protect and provide. This belief is emotional, not literal, and doesn't require him to be the main breadwinner or always contribute financially. On the other hand, feeling like he has nothing valuable to give in a relationship or to society, can damage his sense of manhood and self-worth, which is hard to rebuild. Telling a man you don't need him and can handle everything alone makes him feel doesn't make him view you as strong and self-sufficient; instead, he feels inadequate and unimportant. No man wants to be with a woman who doesn't need him.

A high-value woman understands a man's need to feel indispensable and shows her reliance on him in various ways. She may greet him warmly when he comes home, hug him, kiss him, and say, "I missed you today." She may let him carry her luggage when he offers assistance because she knows he is seeking validation rather than perceiving her as weaker or inferior.

How to Increase Your Chances of Finding Love: Don't Rely on Luck, Rely on Yourself

By working on yourself and taking action you will open the doors to getting the life you desire and truly deserve. Remember, don't leave the fate of your love life up to chance. Believing that love will simply fall into your lap is a flawed mindset that limits your chances of finding romance.

Focus on creating a lifestyle that allows you to encounter more potential partners. Give yourself the opportunity to connect with as many men as possible. While you don't have to meet every man in existence, expanding your social circle will greatly increase your odds of finding The One.

Hussey advises to set a goal to meet one to four new men every week. By doing so, you'll build a substantial network of acquaintances and can filter out those who don't align with your values and interests. Focus on those who spark your curiosity and see if a deeper connection can be made.

Enhance Your Love Life by Cultivating a Vibrant Social Circle

If you find yourself going to the same places, seeing the same people, and doing the same things every day, it's time to break out of that routine. Sitting on the couch with a glass of wine and watching reality TV shows may be comfortable, but it won't help you meet someone special. Step out of your comfort zone and engage in activities that promote social interaction. Meet new people by exploring different social settings and pursuing new interests. It could be an art class, a wine tasting, or a coed recreational sports team. Fitness classes with a high male participation rate, like kickboxing, martial arts or CrossFit, provide plenty of opportunities to meet men.

Expanding your social circle shouldn't be restricted to just men. Everyone you meet has the potential to bring something valuable into your life. Women have brothers, cousins, neighbors, coworkers, friends and other male contacts they could introduce you to.

Say Yes to Invites

Tired of wondering where all the good men are? Newsflash, there's no secret club for them. Instead you need to put yourself out there and start accepting every invitation. Forget being too busy or tired; start attending parties, picnics, dinners, office happy hours, even baby showers and chili cook-offs! Going alone to events like weddings or birthday parties can be daunting, but from now on, if you're invited, say yes.

By saying yes to social gatherings, not only will you be seen as the life of the party, but you'll also have a better chance of meeting that high-value man you've been dreaming of. Remember, if you want to see change, you've got to do something different. These experiences are not only fun but essential for personal growth. By stepping out of your comfort zone and interacting with a variety of people, you will improve your social skills and be crafting a more irresistible persona that will make you stand out to potential partners in no time.

Own the Room

Matthew Hussey encourages adopting an "owner mentality," inspired by a club owner he met. Owners of establishments engage with everyone, projecting openness and warmth, which exudes genuine confidence and control. By adopting this attitude, a party that might seem intimidating won’t be. You’re able to relax and confidently be yourself.

Upon entering a social setting, pause briefly at the threshold, and take time to absorb the environment and its energy. This enhances your presence and captures attention of those around you. Instead of rushing, slow down as you walk through the venue, make eye contact, and interact with others, even briefly. Simple exchanges like asking how they are or how they know the host can help establish connections.

Be a Chooser and Take the Initiative, It May Be Intimidating, But You Can Do It!

One common misconception among women is that men will approach them if they are interested. However, the truth is that men who genuinely like you often struggle with approaching you. Expanding on this idea, Hussey explains that the men who are most likely to approach you are those who regularly approach a lot of women. These individuals likely makeup only a small portion of the population and may not necessarily be high-quality partners. Instead of waiting for this small percentage to come and engage in superficial conversation, it is crucial for you to adopt the mindset of someone who actively chooses their own path.

How to Get a Guy’s Attention

In Victorian society, women could subtly pursue men they found appealing by dropping a handkerchief in their path during a stroll. The gentleman would retrieve it and return it to her, creating an opportunity for conversation and allowing women to initiate romantic pursuits with elegance.

We may not drop handkerchiefs on the floor anymore in modern times but Hussey has a modern-day equivalent that is just as effective. It involves giving a potential suitor two distinct glances that are designed to captivate his attention and pique his curiosity. The first glance is a fleeting half-second look accompanied by a slight turn of the head and a brief moment of eye contact, serving as an invitation for him to notice you before returning your attention to your companions. The second glance signifies your interest in him and can be enhanced with a playful look or warm smile.

Once you have successfully captured his attention, you can make it easier for him to initiate a conversation by gradually moving closer to his vicinity. Just remember that during those crucial initial ten seconds, when he first approaches you, it is essential to project an approachable demeanor as it requires considerable courage for him to make the first move.

If you decide to initiate a conversation with a man, a super simple way to do it is by asking for a small favor. Not only is it a nice little icebreaker but it will also stroke his ego and allow him to demonstrate his strength, and tap into his desire to feel masculine. Just ensure that the favor isn't too burdensome or demanding. For instance, you could ask a guy, "Could you hold my jacket while I hand out these drinks to my friends?" After you've distributed the drinks, return to him, retrieve your jacket, and ask, "Thanks! How's your evening going?"

How To Have A Memorable Conversation With A Man

Sexual Tension

When it comes to having a memorable conversation with someone you're interested in, it's all about creating a sense of sexual tension right from the start. Hussey is not suggesting you act overtly sexual or make inappropriate comments. Instead, it's about adding a subtle element of flirtation to the conversation.

Here are some examples:

If he orders a particular drink, you could say “Ooh, a [drink name] guy, I like that. It’s my secret weakness.”

If he makes you laugh, you could place your hand briefly on his arm and say “Ok, you’re dangerous. I can’t be trusted around funny guys.”

If he tells you about his hobby/ interest, “You know, I’ve always had this weird thing for [guys who do some hobby/interest he has].”

If there’s loud music playing, you could gently place your hand on his arm to draw him in closer. Then, lean in close so your faces are near, creating an intimate space and softly say “It’s so loud in here, come closer so I can hear you" while holding strong eye contact and giving a flirtatious smile to convey your interest.

Testing

Testing a man is another great way to keep the conversation interesting. The key is using a mocking or judgmental tone, while still smiling to show you’re not serious. You’re introducing a flirtatious “challenge” that he’ll want to rise to meet. Here are a few examples:

• The Flirting Test

If he tries flirting with you or giving you a compliment, don’t just accept it.

Playfully accuse him:

“Are you flirting with me right now? We’ll have to see if you can keep this up.” Or “Was that your best line? You’re going to have to do better than that if you want to impress me.”

This puts him in a position to keep trying to win you over, which builds attraction.

• The Movie/TV Test

Ask him his favorite movie/TV show.

If you like it too, you can say “Okay good, you passed that test.”

If you dislike his choice, say something like: “[Movie/Show]? Yikes, I may have to reconsider this whole thing. That’s a dealbreaker for me!”

Both responses spark curiosity. The first boosts his self-esteem, while the second presents an intriguing challenge. Consequently, he will be motivated to prove your compatibility.

Pitfalls to Avoid

Interestingly, romantic interest often leads us to unintentionally sabotage ourselves. We might try too hard to impress, give excessive attention, or agree with everything they say, losing our individuality. This tendency affects both men and women.

With friends, we're relaxed and funny, making people laugh and confidently leading conversations. But when we meet someone we like, we suddenly become boring. We lose our spontaneity, our willingness to debate, and our ability to tell entertaining stories. We become agreeable and serious, focusing on finding common ground. Instead, we should relax and stay natural, be spontaneous and humorous, this way we can keep the conversation lively and avoid becoming boring to the person we're interested in.

Getting Him to Ask You on a Date

Just as some men are shy about approaching a girl they like, they can also be hesitant to ask for a date. Hussey advises against directly asking him out. Instead, he suggests "seeding" the date—subtly planting ideas to prompt him to take the initiative. You can casually mention how your friends rave about a particular bar and express curiosity about trying it. He might admit not haven't been there either, allowing you to suggest going together since both of you haven't experienced it yet. This gives him the opportunity to ask for your number and a date.

Now that you have read part 1 of this summary of Get the Guy, what are some of your thoughts? Do you already possess the qualities of a high-value woman? If not, are you ready to adopt these qualities? How often do you make new connections with men and have meaningful conversations with them? If not often, are you ready to expand your social circle and how would you go about doing so?

In part 2 of our summary, we’ll touch upon Matthew Hussey’s advice on creating attraction, how to make a great date and pitfalls to avoid if you really want to get the guy. To read it, just click here.